Setting low resolutions.

As usual, we end the year with excesses of all kinds, chanting to ourselves “New Year, new me!”

Finally, we push the first day of the rest of our life after Epiphany. Why, with the hangovers still fresh in the mind of our liver and all, it’s better to have a little drink to rebalance our enzymes.  You know? Health wise?

Since there’s still some leftovers such as sugar pie in the fridge, might as well finish it all, to remove any temptation before we start our detox. Also, perhaps, we should have a nap instead of going snowshoeing as planed…

And that’s how we begin the second week of the January: already disappointed in our lack of will power.

Many pretend that they never take resolutions. What a bunch of bull… We all yearn for an improved, revamped and optimized version of ourselves. And it is often when the ball drops in Time Square that we get things in motion. Or not. Here’s the pickle.

We throw the previous year like a whore we balled and that eventually bored and betrayed us. We welcome the coming year as if it was the woman of our lives, as if she wasn’t going to be a bitch like all the others.

We’ll want to reshape our bodies, parting with 600 bucks for a gym membership, forgetting that, soon, it’ll be minus 20 and we won’t even go out to put the trash on the curb.

We will vow to stop biting our nails, but the slings and arrows and taxes of outrageous fortune gives us ripped cuticles to our elbows.

We’ll commit to be nicer to others and less negative, but people keep acting like fools who deserve no less than a kick in the shin, come on, they’re asking for it, God damn retards.

In other words, we begin the year guzzling kale-ginger juice and finish it gargling with Jägermeister…

In 2007, a study by Richard Wiseman from the University of Bristol found that 88% of New Year resolutions failed. Yes, I got that from Wikipedia. It’s reliable. Give me a break.

What if we are putting the bar too high? Why want to change? Why set ourselves almost inevitably for failure? This self-shaming, this torment is a real waste of time and happiness!

Why not reduce our resolutions to the simplest and lowest? “This year, I’ll do what I can. I hope to make good choices as often as possible. ”

365 days after, maybe we won’t have shed all the pounds or completely quit smoking or kicked our compulsiveness to play online, but I’d bet that we’ll be much more serene about the unattainable perfection of being.

And if you disagree, just do it. Stop eating meat or swearing or going to bed late. I wish you good luck with that. We’ll talk in six months, okay? To see how’s that going.